you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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