So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
someone owes me an orgasm
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's just like the Real World with babies
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
