He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
