i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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