The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
