so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
