Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
