shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
