my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
