A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
accomplished twins. life is a go
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
