My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
