White coat. Heels.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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