got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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