Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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