Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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