we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just invented taco cereal.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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