The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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