i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
