We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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