dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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