I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize