I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
