My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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