what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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