Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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