Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize