Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
