Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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