he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize