I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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