its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
