you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
