trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
