I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
4 words: hood of his car
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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