I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
