I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
