just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also, beer. Big fan.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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