clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
