i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
