remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize