i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize