why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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