I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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