i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize