ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
