thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
