fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
