Don't make out with my wife yet
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
