i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
