you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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