Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Randomize
