I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
