My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
