3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dick very happy bro
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
