someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
