I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
