Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
