I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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