I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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