You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
