I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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