we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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