As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
