You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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