Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I want her autograph on my taint
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
