You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
