all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
