I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
