Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
