I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
