Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
